The novel ‘Pride and Prejudice’, was
published in the year 1813 by an English novelist, Jane Austen. The plot
rotates around the main character, Elizabeth Bennet, as she dwells on the
issues concerning manners shaped by social decorum, morality, social status,
and mostly on the dependence of women towards marriage to ensure financial
stability.
The novel was written during the
English Regency, which encompasses the years 1811 to 1820. During these years, people,
especially women, give marriage the utmost importance because women’s financial
survival depends on it, since women have no power of earning money, they
considered marrying as a duty.
In the novel, public occasions,
specifically dancing or balls, play a very important role in finding a spouse
because it allows men and women to have a private conversation, thus,
acquainting them with each other. Other than this occurrence, there is no
possible event in which women are allowed to be acquainted with men, since a
lady must wait to be introduced to a gentleman because she is not allowed to
introduce herself. Love only develops during instances when both man and woman
are left to converse alone. There is none proper tradition of getting a woman’s
hand, as suggested by the novel.
On
the other hand, in the Philipines, on the same year the “Pride and Prejudice’
was written, proper seeking of a Filipina’s hand is very essential. Unlike
balls and private conversations, seeking a woman’s hand in the Philippines is
bounded by certain traditions. “Tuksuhan
(teasing) is a means for 'feeling out' a woman's attitude about an admirer or
suitor”. If the woman denies the man’s feelings and start avoiding him, the
man’s persuasion over the woman is hopeless. The positive side of this is that
he does not place himself in the spot of embarrassment because he did not
immediately state his feelings towards the woman he like. “Filipinos,
as much as possible, avoid losing their faces.
Basted (from English busted) is the
Tagalog slang for someone who fails to reach 'first base' in courting a girl
because she does not have any feelings for him to begin with.” However, if
the woman suggests intentions of accepting her suitor, then the suitor can
instantly court her and the ‘tuksuhan’ eventually ceases. The man, then, is
allowed to do the next ‘serious’ step, which is the “panliligaw or ligawan, the Tagalog terms for courtship, and the romance
begins.” The man has to visit the woman’s family and introduce himself formally to her parents. It is expected for a
man to show himself in the woman’s family, since it would be very informal for
a man to court a woman without informing the woman’s parents. It has been
believed, that in the Philippines, “courting
a Filipina means courting her family as well”. In some cases, Filipino men would perform “harana ( serenade) to the women at night
and sing songs of love and affection (kundiman) to her. A” 'home-run' is one where the girl formally
accepts the man's love, and they become magkasintahan (from sinta, love), a
term for boyfriend-girlfriend”. After a very time-consuming courtship, if
the couple decides to commit themselves with each other and marry, the Filipino tradition of pamamanhikan
(from panik, to go up the stairs of the house), wherein the man and his parents
visit the woman's family and ask for her parents blessings to marry their
daughter, and at the same time, an
occasion for the parents of the woman to get to know the parents of the man. During
this event, the man and his parents offer pasalubong
(gifts) to the woman and her family. In this period, the wedding date is
formally settled.
In
the perspective of a 21st century-woman, these customs and
traditions about marriage and courtship, both during the English Regency and in
the Philippine context, are rarely practiced today. Mobile messaging and
Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) through social media, became the medium
of ‘courtship’ which involves neither
efforts nor assured sincerity, and intentions are screened by monitors and keypads
which results then, mostly, to unsuccessful relationships and even marriages.
Marriage
is ever dynamic due to the changing time, and is not solely bounded by a
universal belief but of local traditions as well.